Sunday, April 19, 2009
{ 6:43 AM }
i'm so confused now. i dont know who is the good person and who is the bad one. someone just reminded me that there is no absolute black and white in this world. there are many areas of grey where people still havent clearly defined. you were nice, but you are not. i feel so stupid being deceived by you. i shouldnt have trusted you in the first place. it's all my fault for what you have done to me. and now, i have hurt the people around me because of my childish acts. i'm am so sorry for those people whom i have snapped at throughout this course of time. i lied to myself because i couldnt come to terms with your changed attitude to everyone. i still fighting in myself because i dont know if this is the true you or what. now i finally came to terms with it and i am fustrated with myself. why am i so stupid?? well i am stupid. i saw you through the eyes of a stranger, unbiased by the nice things you have done for me. at least i woke up from my dream(: thank you for making me realise that nobody is nice. seeing is not believing. things are made to look as though it is what it seemed.
ctc has ended and it taught me many good lessons. it made me see things i have never seen before and it brought me back to a year ago when we were first recruited as the 6th students council. i cant imagine life without council work. although it is tiring, but i felt joy when i worked with the other councillors. thank you everyone for making my journey a fun and enriching one although emotionally i am strained by everything that has happened in council.
but it made me wonder why i am where i am. sigh.